


when in britain

by Anonymous



Category: Historical RPF
Genre: i love higher education, this was my final exam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "I don't understand," Hephaistion says, eyes red and unfocused.Alexander, with an arm around Hephaistion's waist, hums. Roxanne sits on Alexander's left, drunk, with half her weight pressed against him. She scoffs at Hephaistion, though she doesn't even know what he said.





	when in britain

**Author's Note:**

> this was my final exam for my west history course and i promised my friends id post this wreck if i got an A
> 
> pls dont take it seriously i just wanted to pass my majors

"I don't understand," Hephaistion says, eyes red and unfocused.

Alexander, with an arm around Hephaistion's waist, hums. Roxanne sits on Alexander's left, drunk, with half her weight pressed against him. She scoffs at Hephaistion, though she doesn't even know what he said.

They're huddled together at a bar, watching _Entertainment Tonight_ on the wall-mounted television, listening as the hosts going on about the possible feud between Britain's Royal wives Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton. "Why are they so relevant?" Hephaistion drawls, swatting Alexander's arm off of him when the latter laughs. "What have they done to deserve this much attention?"

Roxanne, still tipsy, steers herself. She leans forward on the table, once again scoffing at Hephaistion, and says, "It's because they're royalty. You wouldn't understand." Hephaistion raises an eyebrow. She grins, challenging, "don't you agree, Alexander?"

Alexander, surprised, goes to open his mouth, but Hephaistion silences him with a shove. "What good does a title accomplish when the bearer has done nothing to deserve it?"

Insulted, Roxanne turns quiet. She slumps against Alexander and looks away.

Alexander glances at her, then to Hephaistion. "You've put her in a mood," he tells him, amused.

"Nevermind her," Hephaistion mutters, then faces him. "What do _you_ think of it?"

"I, uh," Alexander starts, caught off guard. "I don't see a problem with the royal family," he says. "I myself am king _and_ famous — titles often have such effect."

"But you're different," Hephaistion defends. "You've actually done something! You're a conqueror, you deserve the fame!"

"I mean," Alexander — red in the face — grins, flattered. "You're not wrong; I'm pretty fucking great."

Roxanne laughs, mocking. Alexander tuts at her, but she ignores him. "What's your problem with the royal family? They haven't done you any wrong."

"Isn't it insulting for the likes of you and Alexander that people today would lay down their lives for a family who've monopolized their bloodline's history?"

"Aren't you giving them too much thought?" Alexander asks, grin slipping.

"You be quiet," Hephaistion sneers. "You can't even make an empire last a decade." At this sudden change in attitude and stab at his ego, Alexander is both slightly irritated and very taken aback. "They're only royalty because they're descendants of the very individuals who shaped their nation." Hephaistion continues, "what have these people done in their stead? Tax their citizens and use the money to host grand, exclusive events? Stream these events worldwide so everyone can see just how foolishly _rich_ Britain has made them?" 

"Alexander literally named every single city he conquered after himself," Roxanne says. "Isn't that the same thing?" Alexander crosses his arms, embarrassed.

"He worked hard to get them — he has every right to name them whatever he wants," Hephaistion answers, angry. "You're actually _stupid_ enough to compare Alexander to that lot?" He continues, in his fit of drunken chagrin, pointing at the television showing Prince Harry's smiling face. "I really don't know what he saw in you."

Roxanne, wide-eyed, goes to stand up. "Listen here, you fucking—" 

Alexander pulls her down by the arm. "Roxanne, don't make a scene," he says, eyebrows furrowed. He turns to Hephaistion, "tell me, what are you actually mad about?"

"I'm _mad_ ," Hephaistion starts, "that the people in this day and age are _daft_ enough," he pauses; gives Roxanne a pointed look, "to love such _useless_ leaders to the point of worship! Tell me, what has the Queen done to serve her country?" He asks. Roxanne prepares to retaliate, but Hephaistion doesn't give her the time. "Nothing!" He shrieks, slamming a hand on the table, albeit very dramatic. "She has a prime minister doing all her dirty work, and he's not even effective! _And_ how do these commoners react? They _love_ it! They invest their lives in following the entire royal family! Oh, _I wonder what Prince William wearing today?_ _Why the_ hell _would Prince Harry marry a biracial divorcee!_ I'm tired of it!"

Exasperated, Roxanne goes to face Alexander. "Aren't _you_ tired of his smart ass?"

Alexander doesn't move to look at her. "I'm really not," he tells her. He puts his arm around Hephaistion's waist again, and pulls him close. "I know that's not the real reason you're mad," he says, grinning. Roxanne, again, scoffs on his other side. Alexander, _again,_ pays her no mind. "But you're _really_ fucking hot when you're mad, so I'll allow this."

Hephaistion, still seething, leans against Alexander, but says nothing.

Roxanne takes a swig from her pint, previously forgotten and now very warm. "Why have I been condemned to marry a Greek man," she thinks to herself, exhausted.

**Author's Note:**

> literally my final was to make a dialogue script of 3 historical figures we discussed in class talking abt some prompt and make it fit in one (1) a4 paper
> 
> my friend also did the thing https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089850


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